Learning How to Say “No”
/Learning How to Say “No”
“You can’t make up for lost time. You can only do better in the future” -Ashley Ormon
In my blog post titled “Reflections on My PhD Experience” I shared my thoughts on my PhD journey; one of the key areas of growth that I have learned over the last four years is simply learning how to say “no.” It sounds simple yet very hard to do. While, I learned this through my experience as a graduate student, I noticed most of my friends have also become aware of the importance of time and valuing your time.
One thing that is very important to understand is: not all opportunities are good for YOU. I say this through my own experiences in the workforce but this also applies to every aspect of your life. You can come across an amazing opportunity and have a hard time saying no, but sometimes it just not a great opportunity for you. Timing is very crucial; take for instance you get an amazing opportunity to write a segment or think piece on an important issue, but it conflicts with your schedule. As writers it can pain you to decline it because it is such a great opportunity, but depending on your schedule, you just cannot commit. I remember in the summer of 2018, I declined a great research project because I had to complete and pass my comprehensive exams. While, this project was a great opportunity and learning experience, I had to decline this opportunity. Sometimes, as graduate students we are forced to try to do a lot to strengthen our CV and increase our job prospects, but for me it was a simple choice of either saying no or piling on too much. Getting burned out is a real consequence of not prioritizing your time and spreading yourself too thin.
A friend of mine was complaining to me about not feeling as though she prioritizes her time. This can be very irritating feeling because it feels as though you have zero control. Maybe you are a people pleaser, maybe you have too much to prove or maybe you are simply well liked and people enjoy your company. My friend was the latter; most people enjoy her company and she was the centre of attention, but she slowly started to feel burnt out. Her schedule was always filled with social events and gatherings. While, she enjoyed her social life, she hardly had time to invest in her own personal growth. She began saying no to offers to hang out or go to events and this was hard for her because she had to let people down. Those who are still in her life now were understanding but she did lose some friends along the way. The truth is prioritizing yourself can mean that you will burn bridges but remember your happiness, mental and physical health is important.
As I got older I realized that time is important and I would rather spend my time wisely then to overwhelm myself with too much. This is important not just in your career but also in your social life. It is really hard to juggle so much and most people have a hard time learning this but now I can truly say I have done a lot of work over the years to improve this. Doing this type of personal work and growth has increased my happiness, self-worth and confidence!
Learn to let go and say no!
XOXO
Shukri
